A Note to be Misunderstood

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People talk as if social anxiety is something simple.

Or maybe, they really think that is simple. Irrational, not understandable, and clearly not something good enough to be remembered. People just don’t know, and sometimes, I don’t really want to blame them for that. Nor I want to blame what I’ve either.

But you see… everyone on this planet have a tendency to crave for appreciation. A simple one, a short words of praise instead of being abandoned. No matter how great or famous they are, they still need it. And you know who need it more? Who secretly want it, but too shy to ask it out loud?

Well, hi there. It’s us, people who need constant reassurance, just because our anxiety is a total bitch.

Talking is hard. Never mind talking, even sending some chats or making a phone call feels like hell. Just like how an artist carve things from wood, we need to carve every sentence with care and contemplation. We need to make sure that our words won’t be misunderstood, that no problem will arise from it. We treat words as something delicate, something that drain our energy as if we’re running, not writing or talking.

But others don’t even know or realize or maybe care about that, right?

Right?

Oh, I wish I can say “wrong” at this point but apparently… I can’t.

Because for everything that we’ve carved carefully, we need an appreciation. Or if it’s too much, then a response is also good enough. A nice response, preferably. Something to show that you pay attention; because no, we’re not some sort of sidekick who can easily be abandoned.

That’s it. That’s your chance. A cue for you to choose your next step, which is if you’re choosing it wrong… well, it will certainly end wrong.

So much wrong.

Like what I said, people like us used to carve every single word carefully. But when the times and needs come, we too, can just throw out every harsh and curse words from the dictionary.

You choose to scoff at our attempt in treating words carefully? Well, here, have some not-so-carefully-carved-words instead.

You choose to abandon or delete our messages, one that we contemplate for hours before finally hit the send button? Well, any kind of reasons certainly won’t work here. Call us anything, call us a coward, a person who prefer to talk behind, anything. Do we care? Maybe not. You don’t even appreciate us, you choose to appreciate others who are much more easy to talk with, so why should we bother?

The wise said that every people deserve a second chance.

I said that your second chance maybe, unknowingly, has already wasted.

Because yes, while we have anxiety and tendency to snap and all of those panic attacks that follow behind us, we’re not a masochist. The pain from loneliness and sudden short-of-breath is already overwhelming though, why should we add more to our pain?

Why should we forget, act like anything’s normal, and believe that times will heal?

Why should we care, when we keep thinking that things will certainly won’t be better? Do a simple word of sorry solve everything? Oh, wait. You might be thinking: “Of course it will. We can change. We can do better and fix this.”

Well, too late. You should probably show your intention right away back then, rather than think that our anxiousness is something that can be dismissed. Oh, and a side note for this part: anxiety is a bitch. You’ve heard that one, I suppose?

So, yeah. Surprise, surprise, but who said that anxiety can be easy to understand or can be solved by thinking and acting rational?

Every people have a fight or flight response.

And this time, we choose to protect ourselves by fly away.

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mean to be written as part of “Break The Stigma” project, but I don’t know who to cast so… I’ll just post it here instead.

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One thought on “A Note to be Misunderstood

  1. Kak amer :”) I ever felt this.

    Somehow this post reminds me of a thing. Sometimes i feel that i need such appreciation or yah, everything, that means im recognized, im known. But at that time i also wondering if thats too much for me to get such appreciation? It made me insecure then. Finally there were some people who encourage me, and little by little i try to stand. Thanks to them.

    (aku emang ga nangkep maksud pos kakak ini apa, cuman aku keinget aja kak bacanya 😊)

    Like

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