Day 10: One Confession
(or should I say, a letter for myself?)
Dear me (and also people around me),
So, I decided to make this one confession as a confession toward myself. Well, maybe also to people around me, especially those who still choose to stay in my life and forgive me for what I’ve done this past year.
Hi, there, the rational and normal part of my life. The one who got burried, the one who still stay there and sometimes (well, most of the times) getting abandoned.
I know that I’m such a pessimist, can be a childish one at some time, can blow some little problem into a bigger one, and I do know that I’m such an obsessive thinker. I know, and it’s not that I’m not tired or I don’t want to change. Do you know? It’s just that hard for me, to snap out from it, to stop thinking, to stop everything that’s irrational and currently having fun in my own head. It’s like telling someone who had just broke her leg to “stop laying, you’re fine, just try to walk! don’t be weak!”. It is that kind of thing, so even though it’s tiring, thank you for still fighting and still trying to stay sane. That’s the only hope that I had in the beginning of 2016, so I’m glad that I still be able to write this.
I also want to confess to myself, to tell my own mind, that things will probably get harder as time passes. It’s hard to not have such a negative-thinking like this, but I can’t help it. Things will definitely get harder, messier, and much more difficult. But I also want to tell myself that “you will get through it”. You will; no, you must. You must get through it because you’re different from most people, because normality and conformity are never meant to be yours. So, no matter what, you must stand for yourself. Stand, look forward, chin up, and when people try to put your down, just raise you head higher and your middle finger even higher. Tell them to fuck off, or tell them to stand in your shoes before they judge you. Please don’t give up, dear me in the future, because I want to believe that you can do it.
Last but not least, don’t forget to keep dreaming and run towards your goal. Your own goal, not others. Even if there’s a cliff, even if you end up standing in the edge of that cliff and falling down into darkness and chaos, it’s okay. I want to tell myself that everything’s gonna be okay; because that way, no matter how much wounds, injuries, and bruises that you have, you can still find a way to survive. Remember that those wounds, injuries, and bruises are beautiful. They’re part of your life, they’re the one that will act as token for all of those fight, they’re the one that will tell you that you’re surviving, and they’re the one who makes you… you.
Thank you for being me, thank you for still being there even though it’s had been a hard year to go through.
Last day of 10 Days Blog Challenge.